
After having my child, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I sort of was the same person, but I also wasn’t. I cared about different things; I prioritised someone else’s needs over mine.
If I am honest, I refused to notice my own needs for a very long time after becoming a mother.
I almost didn’t know how to do it. Or my physical and mental load was suddenly so high that I struggled to acknowledge that I had other needs. I have stopped going to yoga classes, buying clothes or even looking at clothes for myself. I won’t even mention evenings or nights out, because I was a mum now.
I felt lost. I didn’t know how to explain my feelings and experiences to my husband. And then he struggled because he saw something was up but could not help me.
I had other mum friends that I could speak to, but I remember concentrating on their needs, not even thinking of mentioning how I felt.
And then one day I accidentally listened to a podcast by Giovanna Fletcher “Happy Mum, Happy Baby.” That’s when my life began its trajectory towards the new normal.
Giovanna sounded so down-to-earth and relatable. The motherhood struggles she was discussing with her guest sounded just like mine.
I listened to one episode, then another one. Then subscribed to the podcast and followed her on Instagram. Then googled Giovanna and realised she had written a book about her motherhood journey so far. And all of it within 2 or 3 hours while on a walk with my then little one, soundly sleeping in the buggy (oh, how I miss those walks!).
Happy Mum Happy Baby by Giovanna Fletcher
I have devoured Giovanna’s book!
It felt like chatting with a friend, going over silly questions, gossip and helpful advice. I didn’t even realise until then how many questions I had within me, stumbling in the dark, like little kittens, looking for answers.
Like, is it normal that your child would only settle on you? How to prepare for a car journey or a flight? I don’t want to talk about myself - is that normal?
Giovanna shared her personal motherhood journey and offered tips I found really practical. I’ve learnt that sleeping on the floor next to your child to help her settle down is ok. Feeling like bursting into tears without real reason is also ok. And many, many others that I no longer remember. But I remember having those “aha” moments every 5 to 10 minutes.
Her book made me feel seen. It reassured me that my needs weren’t silly and that it’s okay to ask for help, take a break, or do something just for myself. Now looking back at myself as a brave new mum - I wish I could give myself a hug and tell my younger version that it’s all going to be ok.
I also wish I could give Giovanna a hug and thank her for being there for me when I needed her.
E-Squared by Pam Grout
Motherhood is a journey like everything else in life.
At one point when I sort of nailed early motherhood, and dealt with my identity crises, I also sent my child to nursery for a couple of days a week. This made me realise that something else was missing from my life. This something was, well, anything really, but let’s call it magic.
Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is magical. But it consists of very repetitive tasks: wake up, feed the baby, change the nappy or vice versa; play with the baby, complete the household chores, etc. occasionally, enjoy a brief me-time or a coffee with friends.
But let’s be honest, not much apart from that. At least for me, there were no foreign travels (thanks to childcare costs in the UK). I didn’t feed my imagination very much unless Peppa Pig and Teletubbies count as food for your soul.
And Pam Grout’s book wasn’t written specifically for mums, but it was exactly what I needed. It was a bit “woo-woo” and magical, meant for everyone who wants to read it, and that was why it spoke to me. I wanted to experience something whimsical and extraordinary (without taking actual risks because I am a mum).
This book helped me dream again, laugh, and visualise my future self. It reminded me I’m still my person with so much more to offer.
Reading it felt a bit naughty. It’s one of those books that I won’t admit to reading to my colleagues or even friends. It’s my guilty pleasure. But it’s totally worth it because it made me come out of my motherly shell. It made me do silly rituals and come up with random ideas to test the magical hypothesis. It was exactly what I needed and when I needed it.
The Midpoint Plan by Gabby Logan
As the book title suggests, this one is for women approaching or going through midlife, but then again, midlife for one is 50 for another 25-30.
Gabby Logan’s book came out recently and I think I bought it the first week it was out. That’s how desperate I was to hear that midpoint is not the end of the world.
Let me step back a bit. I am not 50 yet, but I am over 40. At some point, I realised that now that my kids were no longer babies and didn’t need me 24/7, my life would need to change. Then other thoughts started creeping in, especially after Instagram posts like “How old will you and your kids be in 10 years?” Hell, I’ll be over 50 in ten years and that thought scared me.
What it feels like, to be 50? Will I be different? Do I need to be planning for it? Will I be a horrible bore in my children’s eyes? Will my menopause turn me into a monster? A Mumzilla?
Seeing this book gave me hope. I admire Gabby. I think she is a drop-dead-gorgeous woman and is getting better with age. And if she’s struggling with the midpoint of life, let’s see what I can learn from her to investigate and maybe prepare.
It did not disappoint. I listened to it as an audiobook, and hearing Gabby’s reassuring voice made the experience even more immersive for me. Life does not end at the midpoint. People don’t turn into monsters at midpoint. Neither do they vanish into nothingness. Life goes on. We change. But we change every day, whether we are 20, 30 or 50. As long as we remember to enjoy ourselves.
“Motherkind” by Zoe Blaskey
Zoe Blaskey’s book, “Motherkind”, is also new, but I’ve been a fan of her podcast for years. And I also felt like buying this book the minute it was out.
Zoe is such a great champion for all the mums out there. Her podcast and this book have been a great reminder that it’s okay to have tough days.
Being a mum could feel like such an undertaking: one day you are nailing it, and you feel you’ve traumatised your kids for life by simply slicing their bananas the wrong way.
And the thing is, that even though every mum knows that it’s ok to have bad days, we still think that it’s ok for others. But we are “the worst mums ever” because we told our kids it was time to go home and they didn’t like it. Every time my kids scream at me or shout “It’s not fair”! I felt like it was me being this horrible mum who does not get them or cannot give them what they want (toys at every shop and 24 hours of TV).
Zoe makes sure that I never forget that we all may have bad days and that does not make us bad mums.
This book has also helped me realise that motherhood is just another phase of life, like adolescence, and it doesn’t happen overnight. There are things that happen, good and not so good, you learn and evolve. You live your life.
But you’re never alone either. There are other mums who most definitely go through the same thing. If this day seems challenging, tomorrow will be better.

Final Thoughts on 4 Books That Helped Me Feel Less Alone as a Mum
There are many more books that I found useful. And being a mum, I’ve learnt the hard way that it’s important to choose those inspirational books and authors that resonate with you, and that give you what you need at this point.
One book might reassure you, or it might cheer you up. Another might give you tips or advice, or it might remind you that you are not as crazy as you thought. Whatever it does for you, as long as it helps, keep on reading it. If the book makes you feel inadequate, not good enough - close it and put it away. Or donate it. That is what I would do.
Another morsel of wisdom that I’ve discovered by choosing these four books as the books to help me feel less alone as a mum, is the simple realisation that I don’t need to sacrifice my dreams to ensure my kids are happy and fulfilled. I am living my life, stumbling and falling, getting up and gliding. Life is so much more than the simple stages and experiences we go through. And our kids need to see that life is a journey full of ups and downs and it’s a fun ride just in general.
If you've enjoyed this blog post, I also wrote Top 5 Inspirational Books by Women and for Women.
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